I have found a way to solve the problem of affirmative action

There's been a great deal of furor over at the UC San Diego campus, as well as across some of the other UC campuses, regarding a non-sponsored "Compton Cookout" event that encouraged guests to dress up like stereotypical "ghetto blacks", with the do-rags, baggy clothes, and such, during Black History Month (February, in case you forgot).

Now, lots of other people unaffiliated with the UCSD student body are in an uproar, throwing all kinds of claims around, from "hateful" and "insensitive", to "institutionalized racism" and (I particularly love this one) that the UC is not creating a "safe space" for black students. There are actually people, blacks and guilty white progressives alike, making a huge scene about how black students are now "in fear for their lives". Because of what? A Klan rally? David Duke just moved into the neighborhood? No, a party lampooning stereotypes THAT ACTUALLY EXIST. Don't tell me the folks complaining have never seen "Boyz in the Hood", or have never been to an urban area where there is a significant black population. Or, if you really want stereotypes - Detroit, Oakland, or Atlanta.

How does this all tie into affirmative action? [Here] is the press release from the Black Student Union at UC San Diego, detailing their demands. Like I mentioned before, out of context, it would appear that something fairly serious was happening, like UC funding for an Aryan Nations speaker coming to make a presentation at their "Diversity Center" or whatever the hell they're calling it. [Side note: the word "diversity" simply means "more brown/black people with more or less the same political agenda"; is there anyone calling for more "diversity" at Historically Black Colleges?] No, there was nothing serious. No threats have been made. Nobody has been assaulted. There was a party, and a lot of hurt feelings because of that party, never mind that the people who are "morally outraged" never actually WENT to the party, nor have I seen one single shred of photographic evidence documenting the "hate" and "bigotry" that was allegedly present and described in great detail by people who only saw the event description on Facebook. Someone allegedly uttered the phrase "ungrateful niggers" in response to complaints about the party. Who knew a UC education would enable one to go to parties without actually going to parties, and to turn hearsay into truth! I guess I must've fallen asleep during that part.

Now we have the BSU demanding privileges which no other group on campus enjoys: funding for ALL events (the article says "traditional and non-traditional", which might mean off-campus events, possibly involving the purchase and consumption of alcohol), make the African-American Studies and Chicano Studies minors a "priority", "three permanent designated spaces for African-American inspired art to reflect the struggle and progress for students of color on this campus", a "resource center", free tutoring (but only to African-American students) and a university-wide Affirmative Action program to increase the number of blacks in student, administrator, instructor, PhD candidate, and staff positions.

The difficulty lies herein: WHO should be considered "black" or "African-American"? How "black" does one have to be to qualify for the tutoring, being able to make use of the permanent spaces for African-American art? Half-black? An "octoroon", like my friend Bill? Shall we simply bring back the "one drop rule" of the Jim Crow days, but instead apply it to receiving special treatment? What benefits should Boer immigrants receive? After all, they too are African-American.

I suggest we use the von Luschan scale: (click for full view)

Anyone lighter than '27' is not eligible for racially-oriented "safe spaces", tutors, inflated representation, nor may they use the proposed resource center.

There, solved. No more worrying about who is "black" and who is not, and what benefits they are or aren't eligible for. We can't use "African-Americans" because that might include white people whose family has lived in Africa for centuries. Allowing quadroons and octoroons are not allowed, as they may be too white.

And if you don't like it, you're a racist for disagreeing.

Что делать о проблемой представительства? What is to be done about the represenation problem? For starters, if there are simply not enough applicants "of color" (and of course, using our handy chart to see who is "colored enough" to qualify), perhaps we should simply bring in underrepresented minorities from the community at large by lowering standards because standards are racis'. They do not account for the legacy of post-colonialism set within a Hegelian dialectic, and they only reinforce institutional racism by forcing black students to adhere to white standards. It's all racis'. Racis', racis', racis'!

[moving away from satire...]

If the black community is offended by things like stereotyping, the solution is NOT to punish and excoriate and demean those who mock them, going on witch-hunts to stamp out imaginary "racism". The solution is not to break down those stereotypes by lecturing people who already know that stereotypes are not monolithic. Would it be right of my Southern friends to be "morally outraged" when a bunch of West Coast trust-fund babies have a "redneck party", where everyone dresses in plaid and overalls, the women are all barefoot & pregnant, everyone has given themselves false gap-teeth and a stalk of wheat hanging out of their mouth? That's also some "insensitive" stereotyping, but nobody actually considers it insensitive, for a few reasons.

#1: White people are *supposed* to be made fun of, as they are overall not part of any legally protected class. Sure beats the "kill whitey" attitudes that are often present in classrooms and parts of the student body in general.

#2: Everyone realizes these stereotypes exist in real life, and they ARE goofy and ridiculous and easy to make fun of.

Maybe the black community in places like Oakland and Detroit and Atlanta - where you will actually see a lot of black people dressed in baggy clothing and gold chains, where 'nappy hair' is common, and a great many blacks DO talk far more loudly than is really necessary - should focus on actually policing their own image. Stop putting this stuff in rap videos. Stop allowing these images to become part of "African-American" or "black" culture - playing rap videos on BET isn't helping your case one whit. Stop complaining about the speck in your neighbor's eye when there's a 2x4 sticking out of your own.

I'm reminded of one of Dalton's lines from the film 'Road House':

Steve: What if somebody calls my mama a 'whore'?
Dalton: Is she?

What's the point in being offended by stereotypes, if those stereotypes don't actually exist? Often, we simply pretend they don't exist, enabling us to blame the people who make fun of them as if they were the ones who concocted the imagery with malice aforethought.

The sooner I leave this hellhole of "progressive" fascism, the better.


Arthur said...


Ontos said...

Somebody offended me once. Should I have written out a list of demands?
Did I miss out on some coin there?

Terence said...

(W)Right on! You again hit the nail right on the head on this one. Good job of identifying the red herring in the stew.

T. Wright